Bowman West

Parenting is weird.

I've said it before and I'll say it a million more times.


1. Sometimes Charlie's poop is like little rabbit pellets. The other day I stepped on something (with my bare feet) in his room and realized it was a poop pellet that had rolled onto the floor during an earlier diaper change. I almost threw up.

2. Charlie is obsessed with getting the car washed. Here's what I now have to listen to everytime we're driving around town:

Mama, wash black car!

Car wash, blue! [X-treme Wash]

Car wash, duck! [Quick Quack Car Wash]


Mama, car wash now!


Duck! Car wash!


Etc., etc., etc.



3. The other day I needed to do some yard work but I didn't know what to do with Charlie to keep him from running into the street. He really loves messing around in the car so I rolled down the windows and let him have at it. Later, as we were leaving for dinner, I glanced at the CD player and saw that he had shoved two quarters into the CD slot. This is the second time he's done this. Yes, I know it's my fault.


4. Charlie refuses to call himself "Charlie." Instead, he refers to himself as "Baby." He only uses it as a proper noun. "Baby's turn now." "Baby's sad." "Mama hold Baby."

Me: "Charlie, what's your name?"

Charlie: "Baby."

Me: "Charlie, are you a baby?"

Charlie: "No."

Me: "Are you a big boy?"

Charlie: "No."

Me: "What are you then?"

Charlie: "A two."



5. Once we get within a five-block radius of our house Charlie starts saying, "No home. Go bye bye." However, when we're home and it's time to go somewhere he starts saying, "No bye bye. Home." How is a mother to deal with such mixed messages?

6. This one has nothing to do with motherhood but is something that will likely make you gag. What do you get when you mix a fajita lunch with an upset stomach with a toilet that neither flushes nor seals the tank to stop the water from cycling? That's right -- poop water all over the bathroom floor. Why do bad things happen to good people? My bathroom floor is now cleaner than it's ever been. This is yet one more reminder why carpeted bathrooms are ridiculous. Thank goodness ours is tiled.