Bowman West

Childbirth 101

Tonight we attended the first of four sessions of our Childbirth 101 class. We have the earliest due date out of the seven couples in our class, and the instructor tells us that we have to practice the breathing techniques twice a day in order to be ready. If that's anything like "practice your trumpet everyday" as I was instructed by my seventh grade band director, this may not be a good thing. I dropped out of band in the seventh grade because I didn't want to practice. I don't really have that option now. There were several things about tonight that really amused me.

1) Andy put on the pregnancy suit and wore it for about a minute. One of the girls took the above picture for me on her phone. I really wish we could borrow that suit for a couple of days and could somehow simulate the feeling of a tiny person jammed in his lungs. Not that he's unsympathetic, but I know that I had NO idea how drastically a woman's body changes during pregnancy. If that suit came with hemorrhoids, swollen legs and feet, numb & aching hands, extreme fatigue, etc. I think I would buy it!

2) Our class instructor is originally from Ireland and she's got a great accent. She mentioned that she and her dad waited in a bar while her little sister was born. I wouldn't mind waiting in a bar while Charlie is born. Maybe Buffalo Wild Wings or someplace like that. I think some boneless wings and a margherita would take the sting out of things.

3) When talking about the "water breaking," she mentioned that we are supposed to note the "odor." She said, "If it smells like urine, you've peed your pants. Go change your underwear." That was pretty funny with an Irish accent.

4) She made us do a breathing exercise where we were supposed to visualize ourselves on a private beach, all alone, totally relaxed. Since Andy and I visited several amazing beaches this summer on our cruise, I spent my relaxation time trying to pick which beach I would visualize (Cozumel, Cancun, Honduras, Belize?). Then I couldn't imagine myself all alone. I imagined the guys who brought me food & drinks. I kept visualizing my real memories and tried to "photoshop" the people out but I couldn't do it. I guess I'm not very good with that relaxation technique!

5) Do you have the slightest idea of what 10 cm is? According to our instructor, it's about the size of a Lender's Bagel. Thanks for that image--I won't be tempted by bagels anytime soon.

6) Blood flows through the umbilical cord at about 4 mph. Now you know & can finally sleep at night.

7) When we had our break we went to the cafeteria and got some drinks. Andy got a cookie, but I abstained due to the diabetes and all. As we were walking back we ran into my OB while Andy was munching on his cookie. I'm glad I abstained or I would have been so busted! You never know who's watching!

8) I'm preregistered to have this baby. My papers say "(resident's spouse)" next to my name. I hope that means special treatment! I think it does. I wish that special treatment involved quick & easy labor, but I guess we can't control everything! I think it just means that I get an awesome room if one's open.

9) There's a big scary Santa display in the newborn nursery. I don't understand why, but I'm steering clear. I think he comes alive at night.

10) One of the pairs in the class tonight was Misti (pregnant) & April (friend), which is weird because two of my sisters are April & Misti. Another couple was Nick & Meghan, also weird because our good friends Robby & Connie have two kids--Nick & Meghan. Hmmm...