Bowman West

I didn't post yesterday because I was just overwhelmed with life--not mine, but other people's. We found out yesterday that some precious friends of ours are having a miscarriage at 11 weeks. Having had two in the past year ourselves, all I can say is that it completely sucks. Sorry, but there's no other way to put it. And the sad thing is that as wonderful as friends and family are in their love and support there's nothing anyone can do to make it better. Until you go through it you just can't understand. It's a death in the family, but even worse, it's a life that you were cheated out of knowing. There's no fond memories or good times to look back on. It's just a mass of "what if's" and "I wonder's." It's a loss of plans, hopes, dreams, and no matter how many babies will follow you'll never replace the one that might have been. The weeks and months ahead will be filled with explaining to everyone that you're not having a baby--it's gone; consolling others in their guilt of asking the wrong questions or saying the wrong things; bitterness and frustration over your friends' successful pregnancies, births, and milestones; baby showers and celebrations for everyone else but you. These feelings are all normal and you should let yourself feel them guilt-free.
So, how to help? Just say "I'm sorry." After you've given her time, call and make sure she's not still in bed at 2:00 in the afternoon. Make her go to lunch & the matinee movie with you. Ask her in private how she's doing and give her plenty of time to respond. And the biggest thing? Just acknowledge and validate her pain--regularly and for months after the loss. And guys--this applies to you too. Dads hurt just as bad as moms. If you have to ask over poker and a cigar just to make sure you're still manly, then do it.
Ok, sorry this is such a downer, but I'm just sad for my friends right now.

Without trying to be insensitive, but ackowledging the obvious that we're still pregnant and excited for our baby:
Baby Bowman Update 2005:
Andy felt the Peanut move for the first time the other night. I'm pretty sure the baby was going nuts because he or she was as excited as I was for the new Apprentice and ER. Andy was pretty excited that he could finally feel it move. He had another funny response though. I have to preface it with telling you that one of Andy's greatest pleasures in life is a good tight snuggle. We're snuggled all the time (ah...how precious!) and when he sleeps he snuggles himself in a mass of me, blankets, and pillows. So, when I pushed his hand into my belly so he could feel the baby he said, "Lucky baby. I bet that's really good pressure and the uterus is really snuggly." I said, "You jealous?" He said, "Maybe." At that, I'd like to thank his momma for all the snuggles she must have given her little boy to make him so nice and snuggly now.

P.S. Is it me or do these weather guys and newscasters seem a little disappointed that Rita didn't destroy the Texas coast?